Feeling Insecure? Here’s How to Break Free from Self-Doubt and Reclaim Your Confidence
“Kick insecurity off the driver’s seat and finally take the wheel of your confidence.”
Let’s be real for a second: everyone feels insecure sometimes. Yes - everyone!
The polished woman with the perfect Instagram feed? She probably worries about whether people actually like her. The colleague who always seems to know exactly what to say in meetings? Chances are, they’ve had nights lying awake replaying what they should have said.
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking (which you probably have at some point), 'I’m not good enough… I’m not smart enough… I don’t belong here', you’re not broken. You’re human.
The ugly truth is, insecurity is something we all experience. The problem isn’t that it shows up - it’s that we let it take the controls and fly away with us. Left unchecked, insecurity holds us back from relationships, opportunities, and joy. And I don’t want that for you.
So, let’s talk about what insecurity really is, why it shows up, and - most importantly - how you can loosen its grip and start feeling secure in who you are.
What Is Insecurity, Really?
At its core, insecurity is that uneasy, shaky feeling that you’re 'less than' in some way. Maybe you compare yourself to others and feel like you’re coming up short. Maybe you doubt your worth, your looks, or your abilities. Or maybe you’re constantly waiting for people to 'find out' you’re not as capable as they think (hello our old friend imposter syndrome).
Insecurity isn’t just a personality quirk. Research shows it has real effects on our lives:
According to a study by the National Science Foundation, 80% of people’s thoughts on an average day are negative - and insecurity feeds into this loop.
Psychology Today reports that insecure people are more likely to struggle with decision-making, procrastination, and even burnout.
And let’s not forget relationships - a survey by the APA found that insecurity is one of the top causes of conflict in romantic partnerships.
The good news? Insecurity isn’t permanent. You can learn to recognise it, work with it, and ultimately, build the kind of self-trust that makes insecurity lose its power.
Why Do We Feel Insecure?
If you’ve ever asked yourself 'Why can’t I just be more confident?', you’re not alone. Here are some common roots of insecurity:
Comparison culture. Social media makes it painfully easy to measure our messy behind-the-scenes against someone else’s highlight reel.
Past experiences. Criticism, rejection, or even a throwaway comment from years ago can stick in your subconscious like glue.
Perfectionism. When your inner standard is flawless, of course you’ll feel like you’re not enough.
Lack of self-trust. If you’re not in the habit of celebrating yourself, you’ll doubt your own ability to cope and thrive.
Recognising the why behind your insecurity helps you take the pressure off. It’s not that you’re weak - it’s that you’ve picked up habits and beliefs that don’t serve you. And that means you can unpick them, too.
How Insecurity Shows Up in Everyday Life
Sometimes insecurity is obvious - you feel anxious about your appearance or doubt your abilities at work. But other times, it sneaks in wearing disguises:
Overthinking. Replaying conversations in your mind like a detective looking for clues.
People-pleasing. Saying yes when you want to say no, because you’re scared of disappointing someone.
Defensiveness. Snapping at feedback because it feels like a personal attack on you and your worth.
Procrastination. Avoiding a project not because you can’t do it, but because you’re afraid you’ll fail.
Do any of those sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone - and you’re not doomed. These patterns are signs of insecurity, not definitions of who you are.
Actionable Tips to Overcome Insecurity
Here’s the part you’ve been waiting for: practical, real-world steps to loosen insecurity’s grip.
1. Catch the Comparison Trap
Scrolling Instagram and suddenly hating your own life? That’s insecurity’s favourite game. Instead of spiralling, pause and remind yourself:
What you’re seeing is a curated, edited, and probably filtered and scripted highlight reel, not reality.
You don’t know their struggles - everyone has them.
Your worth isn’t up for comparison.
Try this: Limit social media time or unfollow accounts that make you feel 'less than'. Replace them with accounts that inspire, educate, or simply make you laugh.
2. Keep a 'Wins Journal'
Insecurity thrives on forgetting how capable you are. A wins journal helps rewrite that. Every day, jot down 1 - 3 things you did well, no matter how big or small. Even tiny wins help to rewire our brain as we can see on paper that we achieved something.
Examples:
'I sent that email I was putting off'
'I cooked instead of ordering in'
'I spoke up in the meeting'
Over time, you’ll create a bank of evidence that you are capable and worthy - no matter what insecurity says.
3. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
If a friend came to you and said, 'I feel like a failure', would you reply, 'Yeah, you’re right - you’re useless'? Of course not. Yet that’s often how we talk to ourselves.
Try this: Next time insecurity pipes up, pause and ask: 'What would I say if my best friend felt this way?' Then, say it to yourself.
4. Build Micro-Confidence with Small Wins
Confidence isn’t built from big, sweeping changes - it’s built from stacking small wins.
If public speaking terrifies you, start by speaking up in a one-to-one conversation.
If you feel insecure about your fitness, start with a 10-minute walk, not a marathon.
Each step proves to your brain: I can do this. That’s how confidence grows.
5. Practice Radical Gratitude
It’s hard to feel insecure when you’re actively noticing what’s good. Gratitude rewires your brain to focus on abundance, not lack.
Try this: Each night, write down three things you’re grateful for. They don’t have to be deep - 'a hot shower' and 'my coffee was perfect' count. Over time, this shifts your perspective from what’s missing to what’s working.
6. Get Comfortable with 'Good Enough'
Perfection is insecurity’s best friend. Break up with it. Give yourself permission to be good enough.
Send the email, even if it isn’t Shakespeare.
Share the idea, even if it isn’t fully polished.
Wear the outfit, even if it isn’t runway-ready.
Progress beats perfection every single time.
7. Seek Support
Insecurity thrives in silence. Talking about it with someone you trust - a friend, mentor, or professional - takes away its power. You don’t have to carry it alone.
Know you have lots of untapped potential? Read this post on how to unleash it....
A Quick Story
One of my former life coaching clients once told me she felt too insecure to apply for a promotion. 'Everyone else is smarter than me' she said. Together, we listed her wins, reframed her self-talk, and practiced small acts of confidence each day.
Guess what? She applied. She got the promotion. And she told me later, 'It wasn’t that I stopped feeling insecure, it’s that I stopped letting it boss me around'.
That’s the shift you’re aiming for.
The Truth About Insecurity
Here’s the big secret: confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity. It’s learning to live alongside it without letting it steer your life.
You don’t need to wait until you feel 100% confident to:
Speak up in that meeting.
Go on that date.
Launch that project.
You just need enough self-trust to take the next step, even if insecurity is whispering in your ear.
FREE DOWNLOAD: The Self-Help Starter Toolkit
Final Thoughts
Feeling insecure doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. But it doesn’t have to define your story.
Start small. Notice the comparisons. Celebrate your wins. Talk to yourself with kindness. Build your confidence muscle one tiny rep at a time.
And when insecurity shows up - and it will - you can smile, say 'thanks for your input', and keep moving forward.
Because here’s the truth: you’re already more capable, more resilient, and more worthy than insecurity wants you to believe. And the more you remind yourself of that, the less room insecurity has to run the show.
